[00:00:00] This is the Vanessa Barrington Show. If you are an aspiring author or creative entrepreneur and sometimes feel like you are stuck in a loop, you are going to find this week's episode. Very, very helpful. Now, just to declare, if you've been listening along and you tune in each week, you'll know I'm currently traveling through America.
[00:00:23] We're doing a flashback. Guys, we're doing a flashback Friday. And I wanted to bring this episode to you because it feels still so relevant to me. And if you are someone that has ever felt like you're stuck in a self-sabotage loop, if you feel like you've got a new level of awareness of maybe some past behaviors that you really don't wanna hold onto anymore, this episode's really gonna help you.
[00:00:46] Because in this episode I am going to, we really talk about. How to know if you're self-sabotaging the two key types of self-sabotage that I see aspiring authors making and what you can do to actually stop that in its tracks. So I really hope that you enjoy this little flashback Friday episode all about self-sabotage.
[00:01:06] 'cause I know that this is a topic that many creative struggle with. You know what? It's just something you don't need to continue to hold onto. And this is part of the reason why I think it's so important for people to work with a book do or work with a book coach when they're going through the process of writing their book.
[00:01:21] And if you are someone that is really committed to doing that. In in 2026, I wanna let you know that I've got this incredible free three day live experience coming up, and this is gonna be perfect for you. If you know that this is the year for you to write your book, you're ready. You're sick of the procrastination, you know that there's like an awareness of something that wants to drop in, that's calling to come forward.
[00:01:44] Maybe you're even in the writing process, but you just can't seem to break through and make the progress you're wanting to. You're gonna wanna come along to this, guys. It's gonna be such a phenomenal event. It's over three days, completely free for you. And honestly, it's the people that go to this event with me.
[00:02:00] I do it once a year, have so many incredible breakthroughs. They come back over and over and over again. I've got people that are becoming this year for the fifth, sixth time because they just get so much outta this event. So you don't wanna miss it guys. I will make sure the team pop the link in the show notes and you can register for that.
[00:02:18] If you can't make it live, there will be a replay as well. But without further ado, let's jump into this week's episode all about self-sabotage and your creative process. Hi, I'm Vanessa Barrington, also known as the book Doer, founder for Healing House Publishing Psychic Medium, and a woman on a mission to heal the world through stories.
[00:02:39] If you're a healer. Coach, creative or expert, I help you turn your story into a published book and a global movement that builds authority, impact, and legacy. This is not a writing podcast. It's a show where I explore voice, truth, spirituality, and what it really takes. For you to trust yourself and share your story with the people who most need it.
[00:03:01] This is the Vanessa Barrington Show.
[00:03:05] Alrighty, let's dive into today's episode. Let's talk about self-sabotage. Are you self-sabotaging your creative process?
[00:03:15] Now, this episode is gonna be particularly relevant to aspiring authors, but if you are any kind of creative, I would love for you to state. Tuned in because in this week's episode we're gonna be talking about self-sabotage.
[00:03:27] Now, self-sabotage is something that I know that I personally have been guilty of, and I don't feel any guilt anymore. I've let all of that go. Definitely in the past I have been my own worst enemy, and particularly in relation to the stuff that I've really cared about. So happy to share a bit of a personal story here of self-sabotage.
[00:03:50] So a few years ago, for those of you who have been following my journey, I have two businesses, the Right Remark, and also the book Doula. And the book Doula is a relatively new brand, not super new, but I think we're into year. I think it's been around for two years now, and. When I first launched the book Doula, the idea behind the brand was to provide people a program for 12 weeks that would help them to write and sell their books.
[00:04:18] Now, the first launch that I did of that program, my digital course, or beat a program as we call it in the industry, was pretty successful. I, I think I initially had hoped to have, I'm gonna say 10 people sign up. I had a few sign up. They went through the process. I got lots of feedback from 'em. It was really good.
[00:04:40] I loved teaching and I realized this was definitely a program that I wanted to continue to build on. But the second time that I launched that program, I didn't really launch it. I did a bit of a scrappy launch, what, what I would call a scrappy launch. So by that what I mean is I quickly set up a date of when I was gonna launch the program.
[00:05:01] I didn't really advertise it well. My message and my offer was not clear, and I don't believe that I priced the offer quite right either, and I put it out into the world. I didn't put a huge amount of effort into it, and subsequently what happened was it failed. It didn't fail, but basically I only had, I think I only had one person sign up.
[00:05:26] I was pretty devastated to be honest. And what happened was I made that launch mean all the things. I made it mean that I had failed, that nobody wanted to do my program, that my course was shit, that, um, what I had to offer was no good and basically that, that I should just give up and that the book doula was a terrible idea and the brand was not gonna work and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
[00:05:52] All the things. And so basically what I did from there is I stopped launching. I basically, this is self-sabotage in action. I made it mean because nobody signed up for my program, which I didn't really promote even at all, hardly at all. I think I did two emails and maybe one social media post. Because I felt that I had failed at that launch.
[00:06:16] I didn't actually promote my program again for another almost 12 months. Now, looking back, I think, oh my gosh, that was just so crazy of me to do that. But I was stuck in a self-sabotage loop because I, something had not gone the way that I wanted it to, or that I felt. That it should go. I had made it mean that I was not good enough, and then therefore I should not bother to make that offer anymore.
[00:06:39] Now, fast forward to today, and I'm pleased to say that I have let go of a lot of those self-limiting beliefs, and although I'm still human and I still find myself at times second guessing, not second guessing so much, but sometimes feeling like. Fear about something that I'm going to do, I can hide out or procrastinate on it, and I find that nowadays I'm much more conscious of that behavior and I can catch it very early in the piece, but.
[00:07:08] Back then a few years ago, I definitely did not have that consciousness, and I wasn't aware that I was actually stuck in a loop and I was self-sabotaging. So how do you know if you are self-sabotaging your own creative process or your own creative journey? Now, one of the ways that you might see this show up is refusing to ask for help if you find yourself controlling, trying to control or micromanage every single part of your creative process, rather than leaving things open too.
[00:07:38] That inspired action, that divine guidance, or you find yourself squirreling away and trying to do all the things and do it all on your own and not making progress. You could be finding yourself in a self-sabotage loop. Another big one that I see is being really self-critical. So if you are criticizing or picking apart your work before you have even put your work out there, before you even start, it's highly likely that.
[00:08:06] You are self-sabotaging. Seems simple, right? Setting goals too high or too low. So this is an interesting one, and I know sometimes for creatives we go, why would I actually set a goal around my creativity? That doesn't really make sense. But what I would say to you is, why not? If you do, you have goals when it comes to your creative process or your creativity?
[00:08:29] And if you don't. Then why not? I don't wanna just track from the magic of creative inspiration and creative spark, but if you don't actually set any goals, whether that's a word count or say particular places that you'd like to see your work featured, or the number of items or pieces you'd like to create, how are you making?
[00:08:51] How do you know you're making progress? How do you actually put skin in the game? So often we just. Wanna leave things up to divine inspiration. And that's all well and good. And I'm not saying I don't believe in that, of course I do. However, you, it's inspired action, backed up with a plan, right? Backed up with goals and motivation to do what you want to do.
[00:09:13] So if you not setting goals, which is not great, or setting goals that are way too low or too high, then you're really setting yourself up for failure, right? So looking at that is really important. Another one, um, that I see can be a bit sneaky in the self-sabotage space is avoiding or withdrawing, sharing your work.
[00:09:35] So finding ways to avoid getting feedback or help or taking feedback personally. Another way that this one can show up is avoiding promoting what you're doing. So like I'm talking about creating something that they're not telling anyone actually about it so that they can never. See it. Therefore, they can never judge it and therefore you can stay safe.
[00:09:57] This is very common with creatives. This is what I describe with my book, doula Students as the invisible author, and it, it happens far too often where it's you've create something just for yourself or you tell yourself it's just for yourself because you don't wanna put it out there. Or not getting feedback on your work.
[00:10:18] If you are writing a book and it's the first time that you're doing that, why would you not want to get feedback or help through that process, even if it's a second book, if it's a different type of book or it's a. Process that you're going through for the first time, why would you not get feedback or support from someone who can help you in that process?
[00:10:40] Negative self-talk and extreme self-criticism is another big one. So I'm talking about as a creative being so critical that you can't even get anything out on the page. So before you even go to the page. Criticizing the work. Now I, the way that I'd like to guide people to separate these things, 'cause there's two different processes at play.
[00:11:01] When you write, there's the actual writing and then there's the editing process. And when we play the role of an editor, we can rarely play the role of an editor and play the role of the writer or author at the same time. We need to separate the two. So both play very important roles, but don't try to. Be both at once.
[00:11:21] Same with art. If you are looking to critique your work after it's created or wanting to modify or add an element to your work before you decide it's finished, that's fine. But don't do it while you are in the creative process. Right? Separate the processes. 'cause otherwise what happens is we give up before we've even put it out there, or we filter what we're receiving or what we're going to do because we.
[00:11:46] Being critical of what we think we can actually achieve. And on that note, another big one for self-sabotage is being really critical of yourself, but blame shifting. So judging what's going on, but making excuses and not actually taking any accountability for them. So finding excuses about all the reasons why you can't create or can't put your work out there, or can't promote your work now.
[00:12:16] This could show up in the form of finding, finding excuses about the type of equipment you need or the environment that you have, or the time you have, or the money that you have available to you. All of these are excuses that can show up and self-sabotage your creative process. So get really real with yourself and ask yourself, do I actually need.
[00:12:45] That environment or that equipment or that much time to be able to do those things. And I think if you look around you at other examples, you will find that there were other people who were able to create with less time, less resources. Less other factors at play and were still able to do what they were looking to do from a writing perspective.
[00:13:10] There are two key types of self sabotage that I see authors making, and I've nicknamed these self saboteurs because I find it much easier to be able to refer back to them when I'm teaching people what I teach about how to write and sell their books. So the first saboteur is Sally, the student. Now Sally is someone who is quite overwhelmed and often not making progress or feels like she is going in circles.
[00:13:44] Now, this persona can apply to anyone in the creative space, not just aspiring authors. So if Sally will be feeling like she's spilling spinning wheels, she will often have a half written or incomplete. Piece of work, piece of creative work. She'll feel overwhelmed about what to do, what avenue to do to actually get it out into the world, and often confused about how to actually finish it as well.
[00:14:14] So lots, maybe incomplete pieces of work or projects. Sally loves to learn. Sally has attended all the classes. She's reading all the books, she's doing all the research and gaining all the knowledge, but she is not. Actually making progress on her dreams ahead. She might feel like, I don't know where to start.
[00:14:37] Um, I don't, I don't know what to do. I don't have the qualifications or I need to go and. Find out more information about X, Y, Z before I can do the thing. And it's easy to get stuck in this loop, right? It's very easy to self-sabotage by feeling like we don't know enough or don't haven't experienced enough to be able to do what it is that we wanna do in the world.
[00:15:00] Some of the mistakes that I find Sally, the student making that actually causes this problem is comparing herself to others. Watching too many videos online or subscribing to an overwhelming amount of free content out there from supposed experts, rather than tuning into what her creative self needs, asking people who are not professionals for their feedback on her work.
[00:15:31] Or her next step and overwhelming herself with too much information. And then of course, there's some of the mistakes that Sally might make to try to fix the problem that actually don't fix the problem and sometimes makes the problem even worse. So investing in courses to improve her craft. Sending her work to people who she might know are good at English in the writer's case, but aren't actually professionals or seeking feedback from various people and places outside of herself rather than looking within to see do, what do I need to do here?
[00:16:06] And the consequence of being stuck in this student loop of self-sabotage is that oftentimes. Sallys of the world don't actually write their book. They invest time and money in lots and lots of writing classes or courses. Or gaining qualifications or going back to uni or doing all the things, but don't actually get the thing done that they need to get finished because they're stuck in frustration and overwhelm.
[00:16:31] It's actually devastating to watch. Now, the second self saboteur is one that I have in the past being very closely acquainted with and am no longer, but I certainly see this one show up a lot in my role as a book coach and book doula. And it's lovely. Petra, the procrastinator. Now Petra the procrastinator is doing all the things busy moms.
[00:16:57] Hello. If you're listening, I see you and I hear you. Petra does not have any time. Petra is so busy serving everybody else that she has to put her creative. Dreams on the back burner. Oftentimes, if we dig a little bit deeper with what's going on with Petra, who feels that she has no time to create is she doesn't feel that she's good enough to write a book or to create or to do the art, or to do the thing that she wants to do.
[00:17:28] She doesn't make any time to do that thing, and then wonders why it's never. Getting finished because it's not a priority in her life, or she's prioritizing everyone else around her. Sometimes what I will hear from someone who is stuck in this kind of Petra procrastination zone is, I'm a mom. I've got kids.
[00:17:47] I don't have time to do this, or I never have enough time in the day. I'm doing all the things for everyone else. But if we were to flip that belief, how many authors and creatives do you know that have multiple kids? Multiple other responsibilities and have successfully written and sold their books or have being able to create incredible stories in the most crazy circumstances.
[00:18:18] In spite of their circumstances. I'm sure that you could think of some. We know that JK Rowling basically wrote her book on a train. There's many examples where if you actually really want to do something and it's a priority for you, then you will do it. The other thing that can sometimes happen with Petra is feeling like.
[00:18:39] Not, it's not so much procrastination, but it's almost perfectionism that causes procrastination. Feeling like she needs to find the most perfect, unique individual idea before she can start. And this one is an interesting one, right? 'cause we always wanna have a high standard of what we're creating. And I'm not saying that we don't want that, but how many.
[00:19:03] Times, like if you think about books for example, how many books have you read on the same topic or in the same or similar areas? And they're each amazing, but they have a different angle. Plenty, right? Same with art. There are so many different types of, and subcategories within the broad category of contemporary art, but that doesn't mean that any of them are less or more than the other.
[00:19:28] It's just that it's just that they're unique in their own way, but we each have our own style and essence in life. So you this concept of needing to find the perfect idea and the perfect most unique. Idea to start writing or to start creating is simply not true. We only need to follow the whisper. If you are listening to all of this and going, oh my gosh, I think I relate.
[00:19:51] Maybe I'm Petra, maybe I'm Sally, or maybe I, you just know in the past that you are someone who has self-sabotage. What can you do to stop the behavior? So here's some things that I like to do and have had to do myself to be able to drop some of these. In my own life, because ultimately at the end of the day, when we self-sabotage, we really preventing ourselves from stepping forward to into our highest potential and our infinite potential, which each of us have.
[00:20:22] We all have the ability to fulfill everything that we have come into this lifetime to do. And I do deeply believe that we are all here for a purpose. We are all here to share something with the world. We all have a unique thing that only we can create and share with the world. We need to be able to work through and drop this self-sabotage so that you can do that thing so we can be that person so we can show up in the world and share those things that we are here to share.
[00:20:53] So what can you do to stop self-sabotage? The first thing, and it sounds super simple, is just get quiet with yourself. Meditate, listen to the guidance that you receive when you get quiet and take some time when you are getting quiet to really observe your behavior. You can understand and look for patterns when you are quiet with yourself.
[00:21:18] So one thing that I like to do is I use my emotions as a bit of a barometer to understand negative and positive patterns. So if I find that. I am maybe in a situation that where negative emotions are coming up, I usually will take that as an invitation to dive deeper into the situation and to uncover what the underlying belief is that is showing up to create that sabotage in my life.
[00:21:52] When we can take the time to get quiet and then actually tap into and understand what the belief is that sits underneath the self-sabotage, then we can start to release it. We can't release what we don't know, so give yourself that gift of time and reflection. And another really beautiful way to do this is to journal, and you don't need to be a writer to journal.
[00:22:15] Walking in nature is another beautiful way to tap in and just tap into nature and find out whether it's a walk on the beach or getting out into the rainforest or going for, even going for a nice drive out in the countryside can share. We can receive so much guidance and information when we do that to be able to further inspect our behaviors and understand what it is that we maybe have been doing to ourselves.
[00:22:41] How we've been getting in our own way. I personally have found that for me, journaling was extremely helpful, but also asking some really clear questions that enabled me to let go of self-sabotage. And self-limiting beliefs and self-sabotage is essentially a self-limiting belief. It's a belief that's sitting underneath that's causing us to sabotage our efforts and to prevent us from moving forward where we are supposed to be.
[00:23:12] And usually in my own experience and what I've observed with my clients also and the people I coach and support, is that it usually boils down to really not feeling good enough, not thinking that we are enough. Fear again is usually fear of not being good enough or feeling not feeling good enough. It's, I think it's an interesting exercise if you know that you're in a loop or you're seeing patterns in your life where particular relationships are breaking down or there's particular.
[00:23:44] Things that you're trying to achieve from a creative standpoint that just aren't working is to ask yourself why you think that is. And what could be the belief that sitting underneath it, is it a fear? Is it being scared? And if you're scared, then what are you scared of? And if you then identify what you are scared of, ask yourself, where did this belief start?
[00:24:06] So oftentimes those beliefs will come up for us when we're very young and we'll be triggered by a partic. It can sometimes be like the littlest thing in the world that we're triggered by when we're very young, that we then attach a belief to something and then we call that truth, and then we live by that truth rather than questioning it, and it just becomes part of our day to day.
[00:24:27] So once you know what the self-limiting belief is or the belief that's sitting underneath that's causing that self-sabotage. Then we can make a plan to release it, which is the next step. So how do you release a self-limiting belief? As I mentioned, journaling is a beautiful way to do that. Another way is once you've written down what the belief is to flip it, so call it an untruth.
[00:24:48] If you feel that, if that belief that you've uncovered that's preventing your creative process is I'm not qualified enough. Then flip it into an a affirmation. I have all the knowledge and information that I need within to be able to create freely. If there is a self-limiting belief there that's around not having enough money or equipment, flip it into an affirmation, I have all the equipment and everything that I need to be able to create my creativity serves full abundance for my highest potential and the highest potential and infinite possibilities of everyone around me.
[00:25:20] So when we can flip it. And turn it into a positive statement. And we speak it into being, we speak it into our future self and into our, into our present moment. To release the self-limiting belief, you can also ask yourself, get quiet again. Once you've identified what the self-limiting belief is, and ask yourself, is this true or not?
[00:25:42] So simply just sit quietly and say the belief in your head, and then ask yourself, is it true or not? You will always hear the answer, and the answer will be, you'll know. 'cause you'll receive it instantly. It's usually, no, it's not true. And then you can release it through, whether it's writing it down, journaling it, and burning it.
[00:26:01] Do a ceremony, throw it in the ocean as long as it's biodegradable or you can work with a coach to release it. And I think this is why I do what I do. In my work as a book doula and also as a coach, a business coach for creative entrepreneurs and healers and fellow coaches, is when sometimes we don't know what we don't know about ourselves.
[00:26:23] And it can be difficult for us to gain that perspective and to know what we need to heal or to drop because we can't see the forest for the trees, so to speak. And how do you know if you've got those self-limiting beliefs and you're in self-sabotage? Or if you're on the wrong path and maybe you're just doing something you're not supposed to be doing?
[00:26:41] So I have personally found in my own journey having a coach and finding someone who I can trust to coach and guide me has been amazing, and you may need that too. I certainly know in my own experience that having a book coach is the most effective and fastest way to write and create and publish a book because without a coach most.
[00:27:04] Authors fail. And if you look back over the years at different famous writers, most of them have had someone, some form of a coach to guide them through that process. All righty, guys. Well, I hope you found today's episode useful. If you did, I would love for you to take a moment and just rate and review it on Apple Podcasts.
[00:27:23] It's my favorite place to hang out. Hopefully that's where you're listening to, or Spotify, if you have a friend as well that you think would find this episode useful. Maybe they also are creative and artists. Someone that really struggles in this space, you are not alone. Share it with them. Share the love.
[00:27:38] I wanna just finally say to you guys, thank you for hanging out with me. I am so deeply grateful to be able to share. This knowledge with you each and every week, and I hope that it was able to shift something for you. Hope you're feeling lit up and most of all can now see what's possible for you when you let go of this.
[00:27:55] Self-sabotage. Have a truly transformational week ahead and I can't wait to be back with you guys. Live back in Australia on home soil for next week's episode. Much love. See ya.
