[00:00:00] Vanessa Barrington: Hello beautiful humans, and welcome back to The Vanessa Barrington Show. I have such a treat for you today. A very playful treat, I'm gonna say. A special guest of mine, a student from the book doula program, and also a published author from Healing House Publishing, Maria O'Connor. I'm gonna introduce Maria in just a moment, but before I do, I have to share a little bit with you about her incredible book, Magical Dreams and Sewing Machines.
[00:00:30] Now this is the most brilliant coming-of-age story, really about creativity, connection and finding your voice, and it is available at healinghousepublishing.com, at all good bookstores I'll actually make sure that I drop the links, to purchase the book in the show notes. But without further ado, I would love to introduce you to the brilliant, the formidable, and very, very funny and cheeky Maria O'Connor. Welcome, Maria.
[00:01:00] Maria O'Connor: Hello. Hello. I'm so excited to be here today and chatting with you, Vanessa. Thank you for having me.
[00:01:05] Vanessa Barrington: Oh, it is my pleasure. Thank you for agreeing to come on and share a bit of your story. It's been, quite a journey that we've been on together, hasn't it, with your book?
[00:01:15] Maria O'Connor: It has indeed. it's hard to believe that it is actually coming up to two years, since we first met and, looking back just smiling about what I've achieved and what, we've gone through together in that two years is just unbelievable how something can be not there one minute and then the next,
[00:01:37] here we are.
[00:01:38] Vanessa Barrington: Well, as you know, I always say we're powerful creators, aren't we? What we want to create and put out into the world, it's just phenomenal. do you wanna share a little bit for people that are new to your world about Magical Dreams and Sewing Machines? I've given the cliff notes, but I would love for you to just share a bit about, why you decided and felt called to write this book, and what is the book about?
[00:02:03] Maria O'Connor: Okay. Yes. So why? I feel very deeply about, our inner magic, I call it. So inner magic is referring to the gifts that we have within us, and I'd noticed that my own journey as a young 14-year-old and just watching young teenagers, you know, having children of my own, I noticed that as, you know, they're going through that transition from child imagination and play to adult That somewhere along the line
[00:02:37] they're dropping out of that
[00:02:39] creativity a little and they feel like they have to be something else.
[00:02:44] So, the
[00:02:45] Whole, you know, e- ethos of what I'm doing is all about
[00:02:52] remembering who we are, and that we don't need to be anything else. And in this story, it's our beautiful Elena, she's our main character, and her crazy, funny nonna,
[00:03:05] and it's the relationship that they have between each other that is the backdrop of, finding our inner magic.
[00:03:13] You know, I won't give too much away, but nonna is a personality that embraces life, l- enjoys life. She enjoys the simple things. She seems to make everything fun and magical. There's that word again. And Elena is, has grown up with that, and then as she approaches 14, she's recognizing that the world out there doesn't
[00:03:37] sort of match up to that, and she's wondering how she's gonna move forward into the world and, you know, what does she have to offer?
[00:03:46] So, it's very dear to my heart because, you know, as a young teenager I, I, I recognized that. You go from this world of imagination and fun and, and playing and, and then all of a sudden you've got to be serious.
[00:03:59]
[00:03:59] Maria O'Connor: you got decisions and you've got to be something. And the truth is that we don't really have to be anything, we just have to be authentic and be ourselves, and we do that through creativity.
[00:04:12] But that's, you know,
[00:04:13] one of the aspects.
[00:04:15] Vanessa Barrington: I love it. I love it, and you know how much I love this story, and I think it's so true, isn't it? Like, when we're kids, we just have this natural curiosity about life, and I think what's really beautiful and really special about what you explore in this story as well is that, you know, to have those people in your life that you can look up to that will inspire that as well, you know, as you share about and, you know, with Nonna's character, she's quite-- she's a-- she's just a lark, you know?
[00:04:49] She's c- curious and playful and all the things. For you, growing up, would you say that Elena is somewhat based on your own experiences, your own relationship with your nonna?
[00:05:03] Maria O'Connor: yes I think, my early years, so when I was really little, I spent a lot of time with my nonna and those, I think I would've been three or four, I just remember
[00:05:16] everything she did was magical she'd cook me something that my mother would cook and, and the way she did it was just perfection, you know?
[00:05:24] And I'd sit there and eat it. My mother would make it, and it would be, "Ugh, I'm not eating that," you know?
[00:05:30] So, definitely there are some parallels to my life, my experiences, and things I've noticed, you know, about just, uh, you know, I'm naturally
[00:05:44] observant. You know, I watch things, I watch people, and it's just, a lot, a lot of what I've
[00:05:50] captured is, is the feelings that I had as well as a teenager moving into becoming an adult.
[00:05:57] But I've also noticed that now with different generations, so it was not just in the '80s or whatever, it's continually that sort of rotation.
[00:06:07] if I'm being honest, I feel like even more so now because there's so many distractions that it's very easy to lose who you are
[00:06:16] at 14, you know?
[00:06:17] Vanessa Barrington: Oh, yes. Kids nowadays, like when you think about what they've got to face, it's just, you know, AI, social media, Even the growth that I've had at forty-one in terms of the amount of technology change.
[00:06:32] You know, I remember cassette. We were on cassettes and VHS, and then I remember when the internet-- I remember when the internet happened. That was like we had the brr, remember the dial-up modem? And yeah, it was, you
[00:06:45] Maria O'Connor: look, for me, you're gonna giggle because,
[00:06:49] I'm a little bit older than
[00:06:50] you, and I can still remember, I
[00:06:52] think I was 15, we had this tiny little room in the library and there was maybe three of these big box computers. And our librarian said to us, "Now, one day, we'll be able to communicate, with computers."
[00:07:08] And I "
[00:07:09] I giggled. I went, As if." Like, you know, I just thought, "What is she talking about?" I wasn't having any part of
[00:07:16] it. But
[00:07:17] th- that's how far back. I just remember thinking, "This is wild," you know? W- I mean, we were living in a time where there was nothing. There was just the telephone on the wall and
[00:07:27] the television, you know?
[00:07:28] There was, there was no internet, no mobile phones. And in some ways,
[00:07:33] there's parts of that that I do love and miss, if I'm being honest. Obviously, the advantage of all of that is that now, like we are doing, we can talk, and we can communicate, and we can do those things.
[00:07:46] But I think
[00:07:47] we have sacrificed, something else, you know, in doing so.
[00:07:51] So there's always that- That situation where you gain and you lose,
[00:07:56] but I do miss the 80's
[00:07:58] '80s.
[00:07:59] Vanessa Barrington: it's so true, you know. And I think, like, uh, interestingly, and I don't know if other people with kids have ever had this experience as well, like we personally, with our 11-year-old, we've made the decision not to give her a mobile phone yet. Which you would think, of course not, right? However, there are a lot of kids out there at 11 that have got phones for different various reasons, and there's no judgment.
[00:08:22] That's just a decision that we've made. And, our little one, Charlie, came home from a, sleepover and I think it was last year, and I remember her saying to me... I said, "How are you?" She just seemed a bit flat and she said, "Oh, Mom, it was so boring." And I said, "Why?" And she said, "Well, all the girls were just on their phones the whole time, and I just wanted to play."
[00:08:47] And, I was like, "Oh, that's no good, honey." Like, "What did you do?" And she said, "I just read my book and, you know, just sort of chatted with them. But it was really boring for me." And then she sort of paused and went quiet and she said, "Mom, I wish I grew up when you grew up."
[00:09:01] oh, it really broke my heart, you know, because there is, like, as great as technology is, I think that especially for parents nowadays, we have a real responsibility to,
[00:09:13] Maria O'Connor: Definitely.
[00:09:14] Vanessa Barrington: to be aware of how much we're exposing our kids to those things. And, you know, both-- I mean, I don't have any parenting advice for anyone.
[00:09:24] Maria O'Connor: No.
[00:09:25] Vanessa Barrington: But I would say as well, like, you know, my girls read books.
[00:09:30] They love to read and, and you know, a lot of people nowadays, a lot of young kids, and you look at the statistics, a lot of young kids aren't reading as much. And this is, I think, one of the brilliant things that have happened last year for all the wrong things that our government does, that they introduced that social media ban for under 16s, 'cause I think we're gonna see a real resurgence in reading and in other hobbies and activities 'cause kids aren't gonna be able to be on social media anymore.
[00:09:58] Maria O'Connor: But on that note, the thing that as parents I think,
[00:10:03]
[00:10:03] Maria O'Connor: we need to be mindful as well, and again, no- not giving advice, everyone has their own path, but
[00:10:09] you just watch your children when they're actually playing,
[00:10:14] and they're not on any devices, and I can't think of any greater joy.
[00:10:19] So, for me it's, it's a no-brainer.
[00:10:23] It's just like, you know, get out in the backyard and, and go and do something and create, you know? And it's interesting because my... All three of mine-
[00:10:33] Growing up, that's how it was. They didn't have phones or, iPads or anything until they ... Well, my two older ones until they were teenagers, you know?
[00:10:41] And they were always out there, and they were bonding, and they were playing, and they were creating, and they were making different games.
[00:10:48] It's joyful. It, it is connecting. It is fun, and I think that's what being a child, you know, looks like. You know, for me, that's what it looks like. And this is again, writing this book,
[00:11:02] it is set in a different time and,
[00:11:05] um,
[00:11:06] actually someone said to me they'd forgotten that it was in the '80s, and there's a particular scene.
[00:11:12] And they said, "Oh, I didn't know why she just didn't call on the mobile." And then she goes, "Oh, because there was no mobiles in the '80s." And it was just like, it ... Yeah. It, it was, um, you know, having that conversation, we were laughing together, you know? And that's the thing, though. It is ... This book was, you know, created as well to take you to time travel, to go back, to, to give you a window into
[00:11:40] exactly how it was.
[00:11:42] 'Cause you, you don't realize how different life is and what you did and didn't have.
[00:11:48] So,
[00:11:49] yeah, it, it would be lovely to see children reading more because as you know, Vanessa, it opens up pathways in the brain. It, it relieves anxiety. It, it just creates ... You, you imagine. It opens up the imagination, and then from there, it, it encourages them to go and do things because they start to get
[00:12:13] those creative juices going, and
[00:12:16] then
[00:12:16] they wanna play and-
[00:12:17] paint and do all of those things, you know?
[00:12:19] So it starts a, like, a, a, what do they call it?
[00:12:22] Like a rolling effect,
[00:12:23]
[00:12:23] Vanessa Barrington: 100%. and I think as well, like, you know, for, you know, for the outcome driven parents of the world as well, like in a very practical sense, kids that read from a very young...
[00:12:37] Like I read to both my girls, no surprises, when they were in my belly, and I read nightly stories to both of them until they could read themselves, and then they would read to me every night. And, The ability for us to communicate as humans, human to human, is an invaluable skill. And it sounds really silly, but communications is probably the most important thing that we can do, the ability to connect and communicate with each other.
[00:13:07] And so- Readers have better communication skills, and they tend to be better communicators, have a better understanding of language and how to connect and create those connections and therefore, relationships. That flows into career pathways. Like, there are just so many other benefits as well. But imagination and play, I think, is such an undervalued, and important aspect of life, and I know one that you're very, very passionate about, which I love.
[00:13:40] I wanna take people a little bit back, if we can, speaking of nostalgia, to a couple of years ago, and you joined the Book Doula program. So what was the conversation that you kept having inside your head about this book or writing before you finally decided to do something about it, Maria?
[00:14:02] Maria O'Connor: Okay.
[00:14:03] Well, back then, I just, quit my job. I had burnout doing something that I loved doing, something that my 14-year-old self would've been so excited. I was working in the, high-end fashion of bridal couture. But I'd just reached a point where I was exhausted. And so I was just sort of resting and staying curious.
[00:14:31] I'm always curious. And I accidentally, I know people hate air quotes, but I accidentally, came across you, Vanessa, and the Book Doula, and there was something curious about that. It, it woke something in me that had been laying dormant.
[00:14:50] Um, I had written a book 10 years ago, a children's book called The Fruit Box Dolly, and I only just self-printed it.
[00:14:59] You know, did very basic, now that I look back, very basic distribution and that. And I've always loved storytelling, so that, that was lying dormant in me. And then there was something that I saw,
[00:15:13] it was the way that you presented on the Book Doula, and it just ... There was a, a strong pull. So
[00:15:22] I can remember thinking, "Yes, yes, yes."
[00:15:26] And then the fear set in. I don't know why. Um, for me, it's always been a financial thing, so it was like, "Oh, I actually have to back myself. I can't
[00:15:38] just put my toe in." And, I'll read it to you because I ... It's too long, but this is what Vanessa said to me
[00:15:48] Has there ever been a time in your life where it didn't seem like the right time, but you made it happen anyway because it mattered to you?
[00:15:57] And that absolutely,
[00:16:00] The nail in the coffin for me. That was like,
[00:16:02] "Right. Yes, this is the time." It, it just struck a chord. I had to jump in, and I, I jump- I jumped without knowing. I jumped without an idea of what I was going to write. But then we had-- we started, and I remember thinking, "Well, I'm just gonna write and see what I come up with."
[00:16:25] And obviously, it was during that little,
[00:16:29] cocoon that I was in with the book doula program, and I'm surrounded by like-minded authors doing the same thing, and with the encouragement from you, Vanessa, with the meditations, it opened up what I truly wanted to speak about and what was, you know, waiting to be released.
[00:16:52] So yeah, it was, it was definitely
[00:16:56] no accident.
[00:16:57] Vanessa Barrington: accident. No.
[00:16:59] Maria O'Connor: I definitely
[00:16:59] definitely think, yeah. Yeah.
[00:17:01] Vanessa Barrington: And I think that was something that you'd initially said, wasn't it?
[00:17:04] And thank you for sharing as well for those that are listening about the money thing. 'Cause, I reckon 100% of clients that I've supported at some stage or another, um, have had some kind of a money block, and I certainly have had to do a lot of work on money as well, and I think a lot of us creatives do because if you think about it, you know, we are conditioned through society to believe that art and writing and creativity are not necessarily profitable pursuits.
[00:17:37] And also, I think that you know, coming back to the conversation we were having before about young people, like, there's often a lot of focus on achievement and goals and career and, you know, practical, realistic things rather than the curiosity and the freefall that can come with being a creative and, following that pathway.
[00:18:02] and I love you sharing that story as well 'cause I do remember that. I think you sent an email and said something like, you know, "I r- I really want to, but I'm just not sure now is the right time," or something like that. "It's not the right time." And then I came back and said, "Yeah, well, has there ever been a time?"
[00:18:19] And I love that too, right? Because it's like, well- If not now, when? I, you know, I was listening to something last week, and it was like this, this idea of the one day, some day. And I hear the one day, some day all day long from people. Oh, one day, some day. One day, some day. And, and I think that's why the statistics show so many people wanna do it, and very few do.
[00:18:44] And, and you are one of those, which is just incredible. for you personally, you mentioned about... So you came into the program with that first book, and you had self-printed it and, whatnot. And initially, I think you came to the program thinking you were gonna work on that. And then... Yeah. So share-- Can you share a little bit about...
[00:19:06] 'Cause I think one of the things I observed in you going through the process, Marie, was you were always, you know, no surprises. You were very, like, really open to just playing with your creativity. What was that writing process like for you, the actual writing of this story and idea? Where did it come from?
[00:19:23] Maria O'Connor: Well, when I started, what happened was that I think, A, because I had made the big jump and said, "Right, I know I'm responsible for my family and paying the bills and doing all of that, but now I've made myself responsible for this,
[00:19:38] and I've backed myself, so I really need to embrace this and, and give it my all.
[00:19:44] But as soon as I started writing, I started to go back to what I was like when I was a child, as in the playfulness, the joy, the experimentation, all of that was coming back. And,
[00:19:58] I honestly don't remember. All I just remember is suddenly, this-- a character appeared, 'cause I-- a lot of my writing is I chat- like, it's intuitive.
[00:20:09] And I was suddenly thinking about, know, what do I really feel strongly about? And this story came about in... It just came to me. I know that sounds crazy, but it was just like, this is where I wanna start, you
[00:20:23] know?
[00:20:23] And I wanna talk about the fact that we have magic and, and, you know, I just started channeling all these different ideas, and we'd go into live writing, and I'd just write anything.
[00:20:35] I wasn't structured.
[00:20:37] I was structured in the way that I committed to the writing, but
[00:20:41] I wasn't structured in locking myself into, "Right, today I'm writing chapter seven."
[00:20:46] It was more like, "Okay, let's play with this idea, and let's play with this idea." So for me, it was,
[00:20:53]
[00:20:53] Maria O'Connor: it was so joyful. And if I'm being honest, when it came to the end,
[00:20:57] I had major withdrawals because I was
[00:21:00] Vanessa Barrington: me joyful Yeah. I know everyone loves the fun creative part, and then it's like, how do I get this from a Word document?
[00:21:07] Maria O'Connor: Yeah. And then, you know, at each full stop- There was the capital letter of another sentence, I like to say. And there was, again, another confrontation. To me, it's like, right, now you've got to show up and you've got to make this work. You've got to get it edited, and now you've got to get it this.
[00:21:27] And I just kept going, "I don't know how, but I will."
[00:21:31] There was something that just was... I was- I think I was just overwhelmed
[00:21:36] with joy going through that process, and I just wanted this... I thought, "Right, we're in this now."
[00:21:44] Vanessa Barrington: now." Yeah. It's interesting, isn't it? When you
[00:21:46] commit the... Especially cause I think you mentioned this was, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm sure it was you that said this was really the first time that you'd financially backed your creativity in this
[00:21:59] way.
[00:22:00] Maria O'Connor: Yeah. 100% it was me that said that because I'd always had an excuse, and that's why what you said to me, really , resonated with me. It was the fact that I thought, you're right. I back everybody else, you know. I give them 120,000% and, encourage them. But when have I done that for me?
[00:22:22] And
[00:22:23] it, it was very
[00:22:25] liberating to back myself. It's a different kind of love. It's a love that feels,
[00:22:33] um... I can't explain it. It, it surpasses anything else because you are ultimately doing what your purpose is. And when you do that, th- there's a, a light that goes on in within you. It's like a fire in
[00:22:45] your chest, and it just feels intoxicating.
[00:22:49] That's
[00:22:49] the only word I can use. It- intoxicating.
[00:22:53] Vanessa Barrington: I love it. I love it. And I, you know, you know I love setting people alight with this stuff. Like, let's go. This is what I get excited about. But it's so... I love what you say. I loved everything that you just said there. But I, you know, I think it's so... the reason I love this process so much is I witness in my people, When you go through this process, it inevitably transforms you.
[00:23:22] Maria O'Connor: Mm.
[00:23:23] Vanessa Barrington: It can't not. And I would love for you to share, do, well, A, do you agree with that statement? And if so, how so for you? Because- I have my thoughts on that as your coach, but I just...
[00:23:38] I really, you know, this is I think what is so incredibly life-changing about the process of putting pen to paper like this. And it's not just the pen to paper, that's actually the easy bit. It's all the other BS and the head noise around it, right? And it's just, it just goes on and on and on, the head noise and the...
[00:23:58] it... No, it doesn't stop, and that's why you-- that's why I joke you're in my world forever, 'cause we know that
[00:24:06] Maria O'Connor: Yeah.
[00:24:06] Vanessa Barrington: It...
[00:24:06] you know, you meet yourself every step of the way as an author when you're putting your work out in the world. But, um, anyway, I don't wanna waffle. Sh-share with me, Maria, for you, what transformed for you, do you think, through this process?
[00:24:18] Maria O'Connor: I think I said to you on the day of my book launch, that was the first time in my life that I showed up
[00:24:29] as Maria. and that
[00:24:32] that alone is n- not due to anyone else in the sense that no one has stopped me from
[00:24:39] being Maria except
[00:24:40] myself. and
[00:24:41] this is, you know, one of the things that I want to encourage in young children, young adults, is that
[00:24:51] you have that in you.
[00:24:53] Don't be afraid because the world needs it. The world needs it. The world needs you to be authentically you,
[00:25:00]
[00:25:00] and don't listen to the noise.
[00:25:02] Don't listen to the, "That won't make you any money. Um, you're not gonna be happy doing that for the rest of your life." I got told, , you
[00:25:10] " know, you'd be better off being a psychologist, you know, with your brains.
[00:25:15] So indicating that doing anything like fashion or writing well I wasn't using my brain. So, you know, I got told that my imagination was a problem, that, that my parents needed to take me somewhere to be seen to because that was just next level what was going on in her brain. There was all these negative attachments, and you will come across that in life.
[00:25:39] you're not even going to pretend that you're not. But it- it's da- it's, it's encouraging yourself to keep pushing to do what you love to do. It does not matter about, you know, whether other people approve.
[00:25:56] It's if you love to do it, that means that your purpose is to do it.
[00:26:00] You know? If it
[00:26:00] lights you up, if you want to get up every morning, if you feel excited by it,
[00:26:05]
[00:26:05] that's your purpose.
[00:26:07] There's n- there's no searching. That's where you're at. And so
[00:26:11] from when I launched the book, when I had my book launch,
[00:26:17] As fabulous as that was, it was also very confronting because suddenly I'm
[00:26:24] really me, and how am
[00:26:26] I supposed to
[00:26:26] do this now?
[00:26:28] Like,
[00:26:28] Vanessa Barrington: you know? Yeah. And then you face a whole lot of other
[00:26:31] Maria O'Connor: Yeah.
[00:26:32] Vanessa Barrington: things around that,
[00:26:33] Maria O'Connor: Yeah. I
[00:26:34] Vanessa Barrington: like a, like putting yourself out there and getting rejected. And then it's like, "Oh, okay, I've gotta, I've gotta get, I've gotta get into detachment now. I've gotta learn how to handle perceived failures. I've gotta..." You know, any of those. And I'm not talking to you specifically, I'm just saying this
[00:26:53] Maria O'Connor: Yeah, no.
[00:26:54] Vanessa Barrington: this is, the muscle that creatives need to learn and practice.
[00:27:03] We're in a practice of it
[00:27:05] Maria O'Connor: Yeah.
[00:27:05] Vanessa Barrington: once we put our work out in the world, it's actually got nothing to do with us what anyone else thinks about it.
[00:27:12] Maria O'Connor: You know me, I invite any
[00:27:16] critique. I love it because
[00:27:18] whatever somebody
[00:27:19] says, I just love the fact that what I wrote creates that
[00:27:23] Vanessa Barrington: pretty exciting emotion in that
[00:27:24] Yes.
[00:27:25] Maria O'Connor: whatever the
[00:27:26] emotion. That was not the
[00:27:28] issue for me.
[00:27:29] I know it is for a lot of creatives. For me, it was trying to work out
[00:27:34] Vanessa Barrington: something That
[00:27:35] Maria O'Connor: who I was, like, a- as a, as...
[00:27:39] Like, I... You know who you are. This is
[00:27:41] you, and you're like... You get a shock. it's like, "Oh,
[00:27:44] Vanessa Barrington: I thought,
[00:27:45] Maria O'Connor: okay, this
[00:27:46] is me." And then
[00:27:47] it's removing all the noise
[00:27:50] and really just getting into your core
[00:27:53] and just being authentic,
[00:27:55] you know? Y- not panicking that you have to...
[00:27:58] Vanessa Barrington: to... You
[00:27:59] Maria O'Connor: You know, 'cause there's a lot of social stuff out there that indicates I've gotta do this and I've gotta do that and I've gotta be there, and I'm...
[00:28:04] If you take all that away and just do your craft
[00:28:08]
[00:28:08] Maria O'Connor: and connect with people, that's what I've come to realize is my happy place, is doing the writing
[00:28:14] and connecting with with people. Mm. Mm. that's, that's a simple... It's very simple. So, you know, getting rid of
[00:28:23] all the complication and just making it really simple. simple. just do the work. know,
[00:28:28] Vanessa Barrington: Yes. I love what you say as well around the, like doing what you love too, because your desires are your destiny. Like, and how often do we Totally cut ourselves off at the knees, give to, especially females, give to, or mothers.
[00:28:44] We give and give and give, and it's like, well, hang on a minute, where does my cup get filled? And why, you know, and, and being able to pour into ourselves, um, with that. Yeah. It's,
[00:28:58] Maria O'Connor: and not feeling guilty or
[00:29:00] like, it, it, You know, you have this sense of like everyone else matters.
[00:29:04] You know, everyone else is im- And they are. They're the people you love. But
[00:29:08] you matter, Yeah. Yes. Absolutely. And hobbies, And, and those elements are so important to us as well, you know? Like that's the joy, that's the cream of life, That is the purpose of life, is to have that joy and to do the things that we love without, you know, attachment to any- anything of it. It's just for the joy of it, you
[00:29:34] Vanessa Barrington: know?
[00:29:34] Maria O'Connor: And ironically, you inspire other people as well. The people that you
[00:29:38] love that are close around you, you inspire them by your actions of, like, writing your book
[00:29:43] and, and publishing it.
[00:29:45] Vanessa Barrington: Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. What, surprised you most about what it actually took to write and publish a book?
[00:29:55] Maria O'Connor: I think the biggest surprise for me is, well now understanding, like the editing was ... I knew that, you know, that was going to be a given.
[00:30:07] But I think, um, probably the process from book print to book launch, I've, come to understand a lot more. That I was very naive about that part of the process.
[00:30:21] So, you know,
[00:30:22] any passing on advice is, really understanding how you can project your book, you know, from ... And I mean, to be honest with you, Vanessa, you gave us all that information, but I think I was just so ... Y- you do become a little bit overwhelmed that you're trying to work it all out in your head, and it's like, " what's happening?
[00:30:44] Where am I going with this?" You
[00:30:45] know? But, you do need that person, that coaching, that guide from
[00:30:50] somebody. . I was actually having a discussion,
[00:30:53] With Belen
[00:30:54] this morning, actually. We have a little catch-up sometimes, and we were just reminiscing and saying, you know, um, as people, we think we can do everything.
[00:31:02] We think, "Oh, I'll just do it all." And one thing I did realize, 'cause I'm that person, I, I can do it all, you know. Not necessarily about writing, but just in general with what I
[00:31:13] do, and I've then I think-
[00:31:15]
[00:31:25] Vanessa Barrington: Me too. That was one of my hardest lessons, to get help from someone else
[00:31:32] Maria O'Connor: Yeah. And you know, like, the end result is just a community. I think I said that in the book, when I was thanking everybody. It takes a community to write a book. You know, the author has the story and writes the story, but- It's a collaboration of, of people, creatives, who d- see different perspectives and different angles that add to that story.
[00:31:57] And you do need that, you know? I'm not saying that, you know, doing it all on your own is impossible, but I just personally... What I learnt was that having that support, having
[00:32:07] that,
[00:32:08] you know?
[00:32:08] the designer and yourself, um, guiding me through the steps of how
[00:32:14] I could believe it. The steps. The steps.
[00:32:18] Vanessa Barrington: there's much more. A- and I love that you said, "I'm sure you told us, but..." 'Cause it's true, you know? And I think until you're at that... What I observe is until someone is at that stage in the process, it's no matter how much you want to bring their attention on it sooner, until the creative process of creating and writing the book is finished, it is very difficult for a writer to turn their attention to what comes next.
[00:32:48] And it, this is why the book birthing method is so perfect because you can only be in one stage at a time. And when you're in that nesting stage, when the editing is happening, that's, it's like you're surrendering control, you're getting ready to go through that birth process. And the first time you go through that process, I really liken it to when I had my first child, and you come home...
[00:33:18] Like, I remember having Isabella at 25 years old, and all I could think about was the birth. And I, being a journalist by trade, I literally read every book under the sun about natural birthing, about what to do. I was doing pregnancy, like, yoga. I was doing breathwork. I was doing everything I could to have this painless, natural, non-intervention, earth mother birth.
[00:33:47] I didn't even know how to change a nappy. I had zero idea about what to do with this human when I took her home. And I remember I changed my first nappy in the hospital, and I remember Nick and I getting in the car and going home, and we got home with this beautiful little baby and just going, "We made her, and what do we do now?"
[00:34:08] We had no idea. And that first book, to me, is so much like that because the, the author oftentimes, and I'm not saying you specifically, but I'm just saying I see it time and time again with most authors, like that first time you go through that process, all you're thinking about is the actual publication...
[00:34:29] Like, the actual pushing the book out, so to And everything that comes afterwards, it's like there's so many intricacies into that process, and people... Until you've gone through it the first time, you just don't u- you just don't know, and it's all a learning journey. But, you know, it gets, uh, easier every time, and no two books are the same well. You know, they really are not. And having, um, you know, people that have gone through this program and have gone on to write two books and more books after that, a series, you know, it It gets easier, but it's, it's not like the framework is like the cookie cutter and that's it.
[00:35:06] It really is every book requires its own process and its own understanding of what it needs, um, to be successful.
[00:35:15] Maria O'Connor: I can see that now. And I mean, if you're comparing it to your first child,
[00:35:21] I remember around the eight-month mark was when I saw the light. You know, I started to come out the other end, and I was like, "Okay, yep, we can do this," you know?
[00:35:30] And it's, like, kind of funny because I'm at the eight-month mark now, and I've calmed down, you know
[00:35:38] after birthing the book. So,
[00:35:42] Vanessa Barrington: has happened, the recovery... The postnatal recovery- be listening to this and going, "Oh my gosh, what am I in for?" But You know, what?
[00:35:50] Maria O'Connor: know, it's un- it's
[00:35:51] Vanessa Barrington: it's a really important conversation for, for people to have an awareness of though, because there is so much more involved in the process than people realize, and also authors underprepare for what is to come.
[00:36:06] And no
[00:36:07] matter... You know, and I jump and, up and down about it all the
[00:36:10] time,
[00:36:11] Maria O'Connor: You do.
[00:36:11] Vanessa Barrington: students and, you know, you can lead the horse, and it's hard to get people to that point and to prepare them for that. But you do You do your very best to do that, you know, to prepare them as much as you can. And, and isn't that the beautiful thing about that journey?
[00:36:28] So postnatally, Maria, eight months out of the eight months out, what does that look like for you now? How does it feel to, to be an author today compared to eight months ago, do you think? You've had the book launch come down the...
[00:36:46] Maria O'Connor: Yeah, the soul-searching, No, all jokes aside, I'm, I feel really centered and calm now.
[00:36:54] I can see my path. I feel like an author.
[00:36:58] I feel, I actually, would you believe, I know when you
[00:37:01] hold the book for the first time,
[00:37:03] that it's,
[00:37:04] you
[00:37:05] know, the beautiful feeling but it's now when all the dust
[00:37:10] has settled, that I pick it up sometimes, and I'll go through it, and
[00:37:15] I go, "I wrote that." And I feel real deep gratitude, and I feel very proud
[00:37:21] of that. I think it's good, like you said, to talk about this because, for all the, you know, writers out there, authors out there, anyone in the Book Doula program, every
[00:37:30] part of it I've loved. Just having the book, as I said, the book in my hand just feels...
[00:37:36] Yeah, I smile now, you know? But when I ... I have to admit, when I first...
[00:37:41] And Again, it's like when you first hold your baby. Sometimes, you know, everyone wants that aha moment. It's like,
[00:37:47] and they don't get it, and then they get all
[00:37:48] depressed because it's like, "Oh my God, I held my baby and I felt nothing." Well, that's how I felt.
[00:37:53] I was like, "Oh yeah, yeah, my book. Okay."
[00:37:57] And it's taken me eight months to feel anything. But I mean, that, that should be,
[00:38:05] you know, a encouragement because you hear that and then you think, if it
[00:38:09] happens to you, it's okay. But
[00:38:13] I'm now working on part two of, this book. I don't know what the title of part two will be, but I don't feel Elena is ready to
[00:38:22] say it's s- it's finished.
[00:38:24]
[00:38:24] And ironically, I
[00:38:26] didn't know that when I launched the book, but then And somebody asked me, "Is there more parts to this story?" And I said, "You know, I don't know." And then not long after that, I had all this, you know, stuff coming through about the story and wanting to tell it, and I feel that for my message to really grab, you know, um, attention, I want Elena to really show us what
[00:38:53] her magic is
[00:38:55] and, you know, to go forward with that.
[00:38:58] So that's
[00:38:59] what I'm working on now. And yes, you're, you're correct. I mean, it's different. It's ... I feel more chill writing this time. I feel like I know... Not that I wasn't the first time, but I was excited and like,
[00:39:10] "Oh, I have to write it, and I have to finish it." And it was, like, all that energy.
[00:39:14] Now I'm like, I'm just enjoying writing it, and I know it's gonna happen, you know? and the characters
[00:39:22] themselves have become my
[00:39:23] family.
[00:39:24] Vanessa Barrington: dare I say, Maria, you have become confident in your identity as an author?
[00:39:32] Maria O'Connor: Yes, I can say that. I, I feel I can
[00:39:35] honestly... I'm very confident in my skin now.
[00:39:38] I, I, I can see, I, I identify when I talk to people, I say, "Yeah, I'm an author."
[00:39:43] You know? I do this, whatever I'm doing during the day, working in retail, but I'm an author, you know, and that's my focus. And
[00:39:51] I know I wanna write for the rest of my life, you know? Um, because I don't feel, I, I... You know, I didn't know I had this story- You know, I think it's just I've always
[00:40:03] loved to stor-
[00:40:04] to, you know, to tell stories even as a child. I love storytelling.
[00:40:08] There's something, I say this all the time, you, you don't need to jump on a plane, you don't need to go... Yeah, I mean, it's all nice to jump
[00:40:16] on a plane and go on a holiday and, and go to restaurants, but we have escape, an escape in a book, you know? and it can be very cathartic. It can... And, and often when books draw, draw your attention, there's something in that book that wants to speak to you, and when you read it, it helps you with whatever you're going through in your life.
[00:40:38] Or it might be just that it takes you somewhere else and it, you know, lights up your imagination and, I don't know, sometimes when I've had a
[00:40:46] really beautiful read of a book, I suddenly feel like I want to create something in the kitchen or I want to, you know, sew or do something.
[00:40:54] So it's, it, it opens your heart
[00:40:56] to, you know, possibilities. It makes things feel expansive rather than just, you know, what's going on in, in your world. And, and that's the other thing. I mean, in the book we do touch on,
[00:41:09] still
[00:41:10] looking at magic even if you're having, you know, a tricky time, whether it be health or difficulty in, in, relationships.
[00:41:19] There is that element in there, and I don't want to give too much away 'cause then, you know, give the story away. But it does talk about, you know, still being able to look at the, the joy ...when you're struggling, you know? Because that actually helps you get through the struggle. It's not ignoring what you're, you're going through, it's, it's giving you the energy to cope with what you're going through
[00:41:40] Vanessa Barrington: it's
[00:41:40] Maria O'Connor: So,
[00:41:41] Vanessa Barrington: Yeah.
[00:41:42] Maria O'Connor: Yeah.
[00:41:44] Vanessa Barrington: I love it. I love it. for you personally, what results have you produced in your life and with your book since joining the Book Doula program?
[00:41:54] Maria O'Connor: Well, you know, since launching my book, I've made some amazing connections with people through my book. in those moments I've seen, you see the reason why you had to write the book, just from the reaction, of people when you talk about the story or if they've read the book.
[00:42:16] I've felt like that the message that I'm putting out there is being soaked up and so, you know, there's that. I've been able to... Last August I was able to go into, um, one of the schools, local schools, and, um, do an author appearance that was- It's unbelievable. They soaked up the whole morning. It was just
[00:42:43] My heart was so full. I don't think I've ever felt that before, ever. It was just an unbelievable experience, and humbling to me because, you know, you've got kindergarten to year six, and they all were keen to tell me what their magic was. They weren't lacking in confidence. They knew what they loved to do, and I just reflected on that and thought, gosh, me as a,
[00:43:09] a primary school student, I would have crumbled. I would have been hiding in the back. I wouldn't have put my hand up. And they made me, you know, realize just, you know, how important it is to, to, you know, be confident in what you, you wanna say and do. So there's that, and then, I'm just about to launch my website because I'd like to offer another way of finding me besides, social media.
[00:43:38] For those people that don't do social media but wanna know who I am, they'll be able to jump on my home website and discover, you know, what I'm trying to talk about.
[00:43:50] Vanessa Barrington: with the schools, Maria, I love what you say about going into the schools, and I remember we-- I think we, did some posts about that last year on The Healing House Instagram, if anyone wants to go have a look at it, or Maria's as well. We'll drop her profile in the show notes.
[00:44:04] That was just so divine how you did that. And you p- you know, the activities you got them involved with and everything. Is there more of that for any teachers listening? Is like, are people going to be able to engage you to come out to schools this year, or what's that gonna look like? can you give us a sneak peak?
[00:44:20] Maria O'Connor: Yeah, so a sneak peek? I've already booked two schools, for Book Week, but I'm not,
[00:44:28] Solidly just available Book Week. They've done that because that's what they would ... when they want to have me there. But I would like, my intention is to visit schools. I would love to be able to do, even just classroom visits where it's interactive and we're discussing, you know, picking an element from the book, you know, whether it's integrational relationships, whether it's how creativity helps us find ourselves, any of those aspects. That's, you know, what I'm, I'm now currently in the process of reaching out again this year. And I think I might be doing, trying to do a couple of book signings, with a couple of the people that, uh, companies that, sell my book So, you know, being in and amongst the public and just, you know, creating awareness of who I am, that's on the cards as well.
[00:45:25] And I mean, I've even played with the idea of, high schools as well because there's a lot of things that I could, you know, discuss with them, especially year 10 before they go into year 11 and 12. You know, some grounding exercises and just talking about, you know, how they feel about what they, they have, what their, what their gifts are, those kind of things.
[00:45:49] It's actually a, a lot, so I'm taking it very, very slowly, but my first focal point is the primary
[00:45:55] schools. And then creating... We're trying to create, myself and another author, Belen, who's also part of,
[00:46:03] The Healing House, and, uh, the family. Yeah.
[00:46:08] Vanessa Barrington: she's part pf the family.
[00:46:10] Maria O'Connor: She is. We're talking about doing something
[00:46:14] a little bit low-key. We haven't decided the location yet, but more of, you know, a very
[00:46:21] chilled out discussion about what, you know, we- we've done and what our books are and inviting all sorts of creatives to do that. So, that won't be just yet, but probably closer to the end of the year.
[00:46:34] So we'll keep you posted with that.
[00:46:36] So there's... So good. So good. And what so
[00:46:40] much you can do.
[00:46:40] Vanessa Barrington: for those that are listening, I wanna just pull out a really important distinction that Maria is really bringing to the forefront in this conversation that is so important that I don't want you guys listening to miss. And that is that you wanna get somewhere and you go alone versus going with community, you get there so much faster, and you have so much more fun on the way.
[00:47:13] And what the distinction that Maria is bringing into this conversation around community and collaboration with other creatives is so powerful. And, you know, I think such a... That it... Like, I love, to hear that you guys as well are still connecting and having those catch-ups, like with Belen, Lopez Exertier, for those who are wondering who Belen is.
[00:47:38] Um, you can find her also on the Healing House publishing website. But those kinds of lifelong friendships and connections and collaborations and I often say as well to people when they're considering my program and, and going, "Well, you know, should I, shouldn't I?" And they're in that, all that stuff that you were sharing you were in, Maria, back a couple of years ago. And, you know, I often say, like, you are stepping into the most incredible community of people. And what I want you to know about that is the first people that jump online to buy your book when it gets out are the people in that community. And that is such a beautiful unintended consequence of the Book Doula community, is that...
[00:48:27] Which was never really the intention when I set it up. As you... I mean, you know the story of how it all came to be. It was just totally guided. And I just love that. Seeing how y-you guys all lift each other up and support each other, and how we are all on that journey together as creatives, it's just...
[00:48:45] It cannot be understated. So for those that are listening, and this is not me trying to pitch the program, whatever, like you... There is gonna be an opportunity in June to do that. But whether you do it in my community or you do it somewhere else, find your people. Like, recognize that you don't have to go on this journey alone.
[00:49:02] Because honestly, when you are working and, and being able to collaborate with other creatives, it, it doesn't feel such a big process anymore. It doesn't feel so overwhelming anymore. You get to hold each other to account and, and kick each other's butt and pull each other out of your BS when you get in your BS, 'cause we all get in our BS as creatives.
[00:49:23] But all of those things, and it's just... It just makes the process so much more fun as well, doesn't it,
[00:49:28] Maria?
[00:49:29] Maria O'Connor: Oh, 100%. I mean, we had a crazy week- weekend, or it was midweek last year in Melbourne, Bella and I instigated that. I felt like it would be fun. Just we, we put so much hard work into doing everything, and rather than, you
[00:49:44] know, rather than being all serious, I said, "Why don't we just have 24 hours of just mucking around and, you know, doing reels and just having some fun?"
[00:49:53] And we did. You know, it was, uh, you know, unbelievably hilarious some of the things we got up to. Um, but yeah, I mean, she was out of her comfort zone 100% for sure. Uh, she's like... Especially when I pulled out the tripod at one of the museums. She's like, "Oh, what's going on, you Maria?" Like, seriously. Uh, but it's in those moments that that's where your creativity really flourishes, you know?
[00:50:21] And connecting, connecting again, that's the thing. Connection is so important for our wellbeing You know? Yeah, we can sit at our computers and we can create and we can do all of that, but if we don't actually physically connect, we're, we're not getting the full experience, you know? Um, and sometimes I reflect on, like, the old poets in, and, and painters in France.
[00:50:46] I mean, you hear about the fact that they would meet in cafes and talk about philosophy and, and just drink all night, you know? And it, it was bouncing off each other, like you said, Vanessa. Bouncing off each other ideas and walking away thinking about something and creating. You know? It, it's really important.
[00:51:08] It's really important to connect. So, like, with your daughter who went to that birthday party, put the phones away and, and just all do... You know? Cr- create fun moments, you
[00:51:20] know, and Absolutely. Absolutely. Maria, I have loved this conversation. Thank
[00:51:26] Me too.
[00:51:27] Vanessa Barrington: for being on the program and just being able to share your incredible knowledge, and insights, and experience as well on your auth- author journey. 'Cause I know that, you know, f- um, there's a lot of research that shows when other people can see what's possible for them, it allows them to get out of their own way and do the thing as well.
[00:51:51] And so I really wanna thank you from the bottom, bottom of my heart for being so vulnerable and sharing, and sharing your experiences. Now, where
[00:51:59] Maria O'Connor: Oh.
[00:52:00] Vanessa Barrington: people find you?
[00:52:02] Maria O'Connor: Okay. So you can find me on, in my, on my Instagram, maria.creatingmagicalstories. So that's the in-the-moment, crazy, fun, posts as well as information about the book and what I'll be doing,
[00:52:21] and we are launching a website, and that will be, my home for people that wanna book me, people that want to connect with me, and
[00:52:31] who wanna know more about me. Amazing, and we'll make sure that we put both of those links in the show notes for anyone that wants to come and find Maria. And of course, as well, if you have got a young person in your life or even as an adult if you wanna get a little bit of, uh, that '80s nostalgia in your world, make sure that you go and check out Maria's incredible book, Magical Dreams and Sewing Machines, because it is...
[00:52:59] Vanessa Barrington: If you're watching us on YouTube, you'll see, the cover there. Such an awesome story. Love, love you, Maria, and love your writing, and I'm so excited for the sequel. Thank you so much.
[00:53:11] Maria O'Connor: Thank you, Vanessa. It's been my pleasure.
